Never split the difference summary- Chris Voss

Introduction

Suppose you go to the vegetable market to buy vegetables and you see that the price of vegetables is ₹10 kg, first of all, you must bargain so that you can buy it as ₹8 kg or ₹7 kg instead of 10 rupees, this is how we deal while shopping for anything. Be it an expensive car or a house, vegetables or clothes, in our daily moral life we negotiate so that we gain, be it in our professional life or in our personal life, you may have seen that sometimes if you take or give a job interview, there is also negotiation for salary. Even any businessman does negotiations to raise funds.

This negotiation is usually done by our emotions which is not logical, as a result, we often fail to bring that negotiation in our favour, so to bring any negotiation in our favour first of all we need to learn how to negotiate properly and apply it. But who do you learn from? Of course from someone who is an expert on the subject, today we will learn the do’s and don’ts of negotiation through Chris Voss’s Never Split the Difference summary, and some important points to consider when negotiating with him. We will follow up in detail.

Chris Voss is an American FBI hostage negotiator, who has negotiated with bank robbers, gang leaders, and terrorists in his career. He has the skills to teach us how to properly conduct a negotiation, so that the negotiation is in our favour, according to Chris Voss. For any successful negotiation, you first need to understand the psychology behind any crisis situation and improve your emotional intelligence.

So let’s know in detail the principles and methods written in the book NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE by Chris Voss through the NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE summary to understand the psychology of negotiation better and to make any negotiation successful.

The New Reality-Never split the difference summary

When we talk to a person, we call it communication, and if we add our demand as the outcome of this communication, then we call it negotiation. That is, we understand from here that communication is necessary during any negotiation but during communication, demoralization can happen between the two parties, it is mainly when the two parties have disagreements or do not understand each other clearly. According to the author, there are four main steps you must follow to make any negotiation successful.

• When using this method, you need to separate the other person from their emotions in order to hear and understand you well, otherwise the person will hear you but not understand, because they may be thinking about something else, which may result in Disagreement and demoralization.
• Don’t let the other person’s words influence you. You will listen and understand every word he says, but don’t get involved in his words, what is the real purpose behind every word said by that person? Try to understand that. More important than what he says is to find out what he means by that word.
• Both parties should be cooperative during communication, because the more cooperative we are, the more we can get across to the other person, in this case, we need to be aware of the situation of the other party and arrive at a decision that benefits both parties.
• Finally, to reach a decision that both parties agree on, tell them directly if you have any objections to the other party’s decision, and suggest what you think might be the right decision.

Be a Mirror-Never split the difference summary

As we use the mirror from the front, this method will work only when the person you are going to apply this method too is in front of you ie this method will not work successfully through phone calls and chats. As a mirror presents our reflection in front of us, In the same way, in this method, some important words from the words of the person in front should be presented to that person as questions.

This will make the person think that you are listening and paying attention to everything he has to say, which will encourage him to talk to you and tell you things that he would not want to say on his own. After conducting the conversation in this way, you will have some information about the person or event that is necessary for your negotiation.

In order to influence the person in front of you during communication, how you speak, what your tone of voice is, how you sit, everything plays a very important role. In this chapter, the author mainly mentions three types of voice tones. Those are…

• Late-Night FM DJ voice-

  This type of voice is mainly used to instill confidence in the person we are talking to so that the wall of shyness in that person breaks down and he can freely discuss anything with us.

• Positive/Playful voice-

  This type of tone is a peaceful tone that when used during communication, the other person will listen to your every word very attentively, and in turn, he will respond to you in a very peaceful manner. While using this tone you should not show any anger, irritation, or tension, and keep a light smile on your face at all times.

• Direct/Assertive voice-

  The author believes that it is better not to use such a tone during a negotiation because such a tone takes your entire negotiation in the opposite direction i.e. leads the negotiation to failure. You can use this tone of your choice when you realize that the negotiation is not going in your favor after using the other two types of tone, if you feel that the relationship with the person will not be productive then you can use this tone.

Label The Emotion-Never split the difference summary

While using this method you need to understand the mental state and feelings of the other party and this is only possible when you listen carefully to the person’s words and at the same time can observe the person’s facial expressions, gestures, and voice well. But this method can be a bit difficult for a new negotiator but you can practice it by trying to understand the feelings and mentality of a person when they speak in various TV interviews by looking at their speaking style, facial expressions, and gestures.

Levelling is about understanding a person’s emotions and validating them, so that person can understand that you understand them and their situation better than anyone else. But not only the mentality, the feeling you feel, but you also have to express it in the form of a question with some words to serve it to him. Take for example

• It seems that you…
• It looks like you…
• It seems like. . . .
• I think you are…

When you ask your opponent a question with some words like that, he can give a longer answer than yes or no, and if you’re proven wrong, you’ll have the opportunity to admit it because you just said, I thought, it seemed, and if your If it turns out to be true, then the person’s morale and trust in you will go up a lot because you think you understand their emotions. When making any deal, why a person will make the deal is more important than why they won’t, so first, try to eliminate any barriers to any deal. Remember that during negotiation the other side is always looking for his own gain and he tries to identify your negative side, so you express your negative side before the other side says it, By doing this you are trying to convey to him that you have a negative side but it is not as important as that person’s negative side is important so that the other person will not take your negative side as your weakness.

Master “No” -Never split the difference summary

• Do you feel bad reading the Never Split the Difference summary?
• Do you like reading the Never Split the Difference summary?

If you were asked these two questions separately, which question would you answer as “you Like The Summary”.

During a negotiation, there are many questions to bring up in your favour that you can get what you want by not giving in to the person opposite you. And that’s even more powerful than saying yes to that person, says Chris Bosch, author of the book. According to him, saying no in many cases makes the person opposite you feel safe or helps to move your conversation forward. So, during any conversation, remember that the person opposite you does not have to answer yes to every question you ask. You may have to spend a lot of time saying no to the person to get the answer you want, which proves more effective than saying yes.

Even if you look at yourself, saying yes in many cases can jeopardize your conversation. Imagine you were asked a question you didn’t know the right answer to but you said yes anyway or gave an answer you guessed. In that case, when the other party verifies your answer you will be proven wrong and that can create a problem for you, instead if you say no you might not have answered the question correctly but you can be considered an honest person here.