How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie- Book Summary

January 13, 2024

Table of Contents

Introduction

Sometimes Do you struggle to make friends or are unable to overcome their thoughts by arguing with them? Do you think your relationships with colleagues and customers can improve? The answer to all of this, you can find here.

Hello and welcome to AtoZ Library, today we will discuss the summary of Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” through this article. If you want to make friends, be more popular, be successful in start-ups, sell more products, find clients or improve your personality then this book is perfect for you, keep reading this summary till the end.

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About the Book and Author

Dale Carnegie wrote the book in 1936. By now it has become one of the most read books in the world. This book is considered number one for personality development.

The book has sold over 30 million copies worldwide, making it one of the best-selling books of all time.

If you want to develop any profession, job, or business life, you must read Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.

What You Will Learn From This Book ?

After reading the title of the book, you must be wondering why we need to make so many friends. What is the need to influence people?

We all know very well that when difficult times come, the behaviour we acquire works for us. When we are in trouble, only our behavior works for us.

Making people work and influencing them is an art that not everyone has. This art can be learned by reading the rules given in the book. If you can learn this art then you will have a different level of confidence in yourself. Then you can easily get your work done by anyone in the world. You can influence the world in a positive way, there is nothing wrong with that.

Dale Carnegie has studied many people and found out how to deal with people. He even noticed that some people behaved so well that everyone praised him, At the same time, everyone is annoyed by the behaviour of some people.

The author discusses in detail all these things in this book, which we can easily learn by reading the book and can apply in our life.

Part 1: The right way to treat people.

To become a favourite with any human being, author Dale Carnegie suggests following 3 main steps in the first part of this book, Those steps are briefly discussed below.

1) Do not criticize, condemn or complain.

No one likes to hear bad things about themselves. It is useless to criticize someone because people do not respond to criticism and they do not change their behavior. Instead, they think you are a bad person.

It hurts a person’s precious pride and feelings of worthlessness when you criticize someone and He feels upset about you. When we do this, the person in front becomes defensive. He began to argue in his favor. At the same time, your relationship is getting worse.

So, don’t criticize, accuse, and make fun of anyone.

2) Praise honestly and sincerely.

Everyone likes to hear compliments about themselves, so you can win their hearts by praising them. If someone has done even a small thing for you, sincerely praise his work. With sincere appreciation to someone, You need to use simple sentences like “thank you” or “I’m sorry”. If a person has good qualities, praise him.

But remember, praise does not mean flattering a person. So before praising a person, ask yourself, What are the good qualities in him that you can honestly appreciate?

3) Awaken desire in the mind of another person.

If you want to do another person’s work as you like, then that person has no special interest in that work, but if you do that work by mixing the thoughts of others with your thoughts, then others also become enthusiastic about that work. Because in that work they get a chance to implement their ideas. This is one of the ways you can influence others. Also, you need to know how to give value to the other person and their thinking power? You have to think about what they want from you and make it attractive to them.

You can also invite them to share some of their accomplishments and you can help them personally or professionally by honoring their accomplishments. As a result, if you ever need help, they will help you in some way.

Part 2: How to become a favourite of people?

To become a favorite with any human being, author Dale Carnegie suggests following 6 main steps in the second part of this book, Those steps are briefly discussed below.

1) Show genuine interest in other people.

Most people want someone to show interest in them. For example, if someone is interested in cricket, you can discuss with him various information related to cricket. You can ask him who his favorite cricketer is, what is his favorite cricket team, etc. In response, you can tell him about your favorite cricketer and cricket team.

After a short conversation like this, you will see that the person will continue to be friendly with you because he will feel that you are showing real interest in his personality.

2) Get used to laughing.

No one likes a person who is always angry because others think that person is an arrogant and clever person.

So if you want to win a person’s heart, first of all, you have to be happy. If a person talks to us with a smile, we smile and talk to him instead.

One of the reasons is that we are all human beings and so we are all intertwined. For example, if a child on the street smiles at us, we laugh at him instead.

When you talk to others always with a smile on your face, Then the person opposite you also thinks positively about you and starts liking you in his mind.

3) Remember a person’s name.

If you want to be loved by a person then you must remember the name of that person because we all love to hear the word of our own name in the mouth of others.

So if you remember a person’s name, call him by that name and talk to him, Then that person will be happy and start respecting you

And will want to help you with any of your problems. And if you do not do this, you will not be able to become popular with everyone.

4) Be a good listener.

During conversations, most people are so engrossed in what they will say that they Do not listen carefully to the person in front of them. He stopped them verbally and start talking on their own. As a result, the person in front of you will start to dislike you.

If you want to be more attractive and likable to people, ask others about themself rather than talking about yourself.

As a result, the person will think that You value him and he also will respect you instead.

5) Speak for the benefit of the other person.

Most of us are very selfish, They always think for their own benefit.

But no one likes selfish people, So if you want to be loved by people, Then you have to think about the interests of others instead of your own.

You say something that benefits the other person. However, the words have to be related to reality, not to say anything imaginary or baseless.

6) Think of the other person as sincerely important.

According to author Dale Carnegie, sincerely considering someone important is an important step in becoming popular, So you value other people as much as you value your loved ones and yourself.

Even if the person is a lower-level employee of your company, you should consider him as important as the CEO of that company, that person will understand that in any workplace, that person will work twice as much as his hard work.

If you value such a person, it will not diminish your respect, you will not lose anything. It will benefit you, it will increase your respect, people will be interested in working for you.

Part 3: How to Conquer People with Your Thoughts

In the third part of this book, author Dale Carnegie talks about the 12 important steps to conquer the mind of any human being through your own thoughts. These 12 important steps are briefly discussed below

1) Stay away from arguments.

In order to consider the right information about a subject, you can discuss it without arguing with anyone. Because there’s really no point in arguing with someone, arguing can never be won.

Your goal is to maintain the sweetness in the relationship, but the argument will create bitterness between you.

This will break the sweet bond of friendship between you as you usually see in politics. So stay away from the argumentative environment as it is a waste of time and You will be emotionally damaged.

2) Respect the opinion of others.

Never express your opposition to someone’s opinion, it hurts their ego. Whenever you tell someone that he is wrong, it means you are basically saying that you are smarter than him. By saying this, you are clearly disrespecting their opinion.

They will seek revenge for such direct attacks on self-esteem. And then there will be quarrels and arguments between the two people.

If something goes wrong with a person, explain it logically. Blunt him on which of these things is very good and which has problems and why there are problems.

The person in front of you will try to understand you and will accept it because you did not ignore his opinion.

3) Admit quickly and emphatically if you make a mistake.

If you have ever made a mistake in your work, feel free to admit your mistake without blaming others unnecessarily.

And try to fix that mistake again. If you do this, you will get better results in the future, you will see that the people around you will be inspired by you and will think you are a big-hearted person.

4) Blun in a friendly way.

One of the best ways to get a place in people’s minds You need to be friendly with the people around you, and have to speak with them.

Unnecessarily If you treat a person in a bad manner, Then that relationship will be filled with more bitterness in the future. But if you treat a person well or if you can encourage a person in a bad situation by talking to him like a friend, you will see that even on a day of danger you will find him by your side.

5) Ask yes index questions.

If you want people to work with you then you have to increase their morale.

For that, you have to give importance to their opinion. You should never ask them questions that are difficult for them to answer.

In that case, you can prove yourself intelligent in front of them. If they answer your question more than once, it will be difficult for them to say yes or they will be reluctant to work with you.

So ask them questions that they will answer yes to and they will be able to answer the question easily. It will increase their morale and they will like to work with you.

6) Give others the opportunity to speak freely.

When people don’t get a chance to talk like themselves, they stop associating or talking to others. Because nowadays people feel more comfortable talking about themselves than listening to others.

Everyone wants to express themselves. So if you want to be someone’s friend then let your friend be the best to you. Give him a chance to speak or express himself. This will make them feel that you are respecting their opinion as well as theirs.

7) Appreciate the ideas of others.

If you want help from other people, you need to know how to appreciate that person’s work. Suppose a job is achieved by two people together and then one person takes full credit for that job alone, then the other person will have a very bad idea and will not want to work with that person again in the future.

So if you are going to start a business and want help from another person, get advice from him. And if your opinion agrees with him, then praise him for his advice. As a result, the person will do your job with utmost faith and respect.

8) Try your best to understand the mind of others.

What are others saying? Why are they saying it? If you don’t understand that and completely avoid that topic then others will be annoyed with you. If you want to be loved by others, you have to understand the mind of others. You have to think about what they are saying, and why they are saying it. If you think there is a reason behind what they are saying, you need to discuss it with them.

As a result, the person will feel that you are giving him due respect for his opinion, so that person will also value your opinion and respect you.

9) Be sympathetic to the wishes or dreams of others.

All the people of the world have a wish or a dream.

If someone thinks you are their own, tell you about their dream or wish fulfillment, never make fun of it.

If you do, it will break the person’s heart. If you have the power, help him in some way or tell him a way to fulfill that dream.

It will boost his morale, he will think you have respected his dream, be it a small dream or a big dream. Instead, he will respect you sincerely.

10) Ask for good work.

Try to find the necessary qualifications in people, for the job you want to do with another person. And request him to do that who has the right qualifications for doing the job.

Tell him why he deserves to do this so that the person will feel that he has values that help him to be a better citizen.

As a result, the person will be able to do your job with dedication and full attention to his own vision.

11) Make your ideas interesting.

To accomplish something, the idea you are having, That idea needs to be communicated to others in an encouraging and interesting way. So that after listening to the idea, the audience will be motivated towards your work and get motivated to do it successfully.

Explain in detail the benefits of the concept, how it will affect you later, and how much it will benefit you.

12) Encourage others to work.

When all efforts will fail to get one person to work, then you can encourage him to work.

You can inspire him with some kind of competitive challenge. Appreciate him sincerely and show empathy, and when the first challenge is completed, inspire him to take on a bigger challenge later. Then you will see that he will be motivated to do that work by himself, as we feel when we play some kind of game.

Part 4: Be a leader

Lastly, how can you change people’s lives by being a leader, without insulting or annoying them? The author has given us some suggestions about that, those suggestions are

Encourage the employee by honestly praising any work, it will increase the working mentality of the employee. Because the employee will be very happy after hearing the praise of any work and is motivated to do the work in a more perfect and efficient way.
No one likes to hear his mistake directly but, You can draw the attention of any person indirectly by not saying that they are wrong. As a result, the person will try to correct his mistake.
Tell about your mistakes before criticizing someone and Discuss with them how to fix that. As a result, the person will be fascinated by you and will try to refrain from making any mistakes later.
Do not order directly to any person, Instead of giving orders directly to a person, ask him some questions, such as “You complete this task in one day”. Instead, you can say, “Can you complete this task in one day?” Because it’s very important”.
Don’t talk to anyone about something that makes the person feel ashamed, give them a chance to correct the mistake at least once.
You can make other people happy with your own advice on any subject and say something that makes other people feel proud of themselves.

For the purpose of the reader

Hope you like the summary of Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. You must have learned about the book by reading the summary. If there is anything to learn from this article, you are advised to re-read this book at least once a month from beginning to end, because repetition is a great way to learn.

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